whatever they said about us, we deny it.

2007-02-11T06:02:00.000-08:00

I bleeding hate relatives . . . hers and mine

2007-01-07T18:54:00.000-08:00

The email that never came...

Was put into this little blog post over lunch . But somehow , between sending and doing my work , I lost the entire post.
I will write a nice lengthy one this evening. My apologies.
In the meantime,
I will like to tell you that
you make me proud . No, you make us all very proud for being strong and lasting through the past 3 months on your own .

2006-12-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

I revisited my past a lil earlier on .
I was bored and decided to google myself and see what comes up. And what came up, surprised me.

I am dead certain that my old blog was long dead and gone.
But it's still there~!
horrors of horrors~!

http://themalebitch.blogspot.com

It doesn't even sound like me at all . The writing , the words used , the thought processes.
It's funny how two years can change people so very much.

Most of the stuff written in the old blog was pertaining to the months between my return from Deutschland and my enlistment into what's commonly termed as NS but more like OH(Obligatory Hell). Wanna know what happened between me and my ex-es . You can probably find it here.

In any case ,

It's now officially less than a month before you are home. I so CANNOT wait.
I have a few good ideas as to what we can do on our first few dates out again. Ha
So exciting. It's like dating for the first time all over again.
I must say , this might mean I have to start getting in shape again .
Hey, you lost five i need to lose ten. Remember that lil agreement we had?

Bet you don't but oops now that I remind you .
O well heading to bed

2006-12-23T05:28:00.000-08:00

I am baking.
And somehow , nothing beats the first batch when I was baking to the music you love.

I am missing you and I hope you feel the same too

2006-12-21T03:47:00.000-08:00

it's only 36 days more to my return.

yea it's short when compared to the past 3 months odd.
but i bet that this would be the most torturous 36 days i can go through.

you know why?
it's the knowledge that i'm returning home soon that will make it so difficult.

the past months, it's just:

oh im still here.
another 3 more months.
...
another 2 more months.

but now, knowing that i can look forward to returning home, it makes it difficult to pass the coming 36 days.

true that 13 days will be spent just enjoying the winter.

still..

i dont know if it makes sense anyways.

i miss you.
the emotional, physical and spiritual being.
it's just 36 days more.
hang in with me.

2006-12-20T09:27:00.000-08:00

The Holiday
I've just went to watch this movie starring Jude Law , Kate Winslet, Jack Black and Cameron Diaz
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809273669/info

In any case , it sorted made me wish you were for this holiday season.
In a way, it sorta makes you feel in the mood for love and all like Love actually does.
But with better looking cast and a tighter plot.

Anyway , here's a few songs I've been wanting to get.
-hint-
David Gray's entire White Ladder album ,
Anything at all by Marvin Gaye and/or Al Green

So anyway,
what i plan to do for the rest of the year

Will be bugged down by work for this weekend and monday. then it is a well deserved rest .
i believed not much will get done except for work for this couple of weeks. i ll probably be too tired to do anything else
sorry
am very tired will write tml

2006-12-02T02:54:00.000-08:00

As promised, here s my nice lil writing for you to look forward to when you get home.
By the time you read this , you might have eaten your dinner and are waiting for me to get back online to say hi and talk.
it's been more than 2 months since you left for Korea and so much has changed.
I am no longer trapped in camp but now I am stuck at work.
I am not drawing a pitance anymore but still i need to save.
i am not wearing a free pair of army shoes anymore but expensive pair of Geox shoes.
So yes,

You are the one constant in all these winds of changes. Yes, you and I might have disagreed so much in the last 2 months more than we ever will when you are back home but I appreciate it.
It has thought both of us never to take each other for granted , to give and to take , to provide support and be happy for each other. Yes we would have learnt all these if you were back home but not at the same speed nor intensity.

I am learning so much every day that it 's odd to think in an hour or so I'l be heading over to Eugene Loh's for some good old gaming.
Kinda reminds me of the days back in army. We did this as trainees as it was fun. and we had not much social life.

On days we got home on the weekdays, it was a convinient time to just play and forget all the boredoms and stress of camp.

Those days were simple. Wake up , eat breakfast, go back bunk read magazine play psp go back for lunch and then rest till dinner with the odd game of soccer in between.

So what do I have to look forward to , you may ask. Lots.

A career just starting to take off. Working hard for a year plus before going back to hitting the books.
Then from there I have a whole life to look forward to . One I wish I'll be able to share very amiably with you.

=Thinks and smiles=

2006-11-28T05:16:00.000-08:00

lots have been happening this last week of late.

things that i can't explain and i won't bother to explain anymore.
it took up too much of my time.your time.my energy.your energy.

i still don't know what i want to do with my life.
i'm contemplating between studying,working or just relaxing right after i graduate.\

true that it's better to study as much as you can when you're still young.
but like i've mentioned before, finances make that difficult to achieve.
furthermore, i don't even know if i want to study anymore.

working.
after this couple odd months working as a so-called-full-time-staff in a hotel,
i think i'm better off doing part time work first.
lest when i get tired of my job, i can switch easily.
hotel line?
maybe not.
expect something more random and unexpected.
i want something new and dynamic that i can live with and still not feel drained.
something that would give me the pleasure and fulfilment.

relaxing.
i want the trip.
i don't care where or when or with who.
just as long as i get away and enjoy myself.
pamper myself to bits with
spas.
massages.
shopping sprees.
tanning.
diving or snorkeling.

great ppl to spend that with:
either
a) my girls.
b) you.
c) friends.

that's all i can think of now.
don't wanna think too far or too much either.

2006-11-27T08:16:00.000-08:00

here i am.
sitting alone at 12:09 am Singapore Time.

This is not a message to be taken lightly.
We are not sinking into Red zone.
Mother was asking how come we don't talk much in the past week.
I answered her .

She's surprised.
" Aren't you supposed to miss each other even more when she s in Korea?"
"How come it seems both of you can't be bothered like that?"

I was defensive. I snapped back " She's not the one. I've just been too busy a workaholic. "

So it is , or is it not?
Not asking. I know the answer.

I've been wondering what's going on too.
We both need a bit of space right now to think through our thoughts.
I've settled on mine. And I'm not rushing you to settle yours.

I've decided that I love my family too.
I learnt today just how adorable my family is.
I learnt today that I am no longer that insolent child who wanted to go to Australia just so I can get away from home and live on my home.
I learnt today, that I am growing my roots slowly and surely into the ground I live on,
The soil of which I have grown from.

The ambitious young man who dreamed big dreams of big cars and big house and big everything else,
is now a realistic young man who wants to do the best he can to be the best he can
but realises the dreams of scholarly grandeur is almost impossible this point onwards.

I smiled. that's the first smile in 48 hours.
the last time i frowned so long was those dark dark 48 hours when my rights were read to me.
I know people read this. but i just want to share some thoughts so yeah,
its not like i am cussing about some poor guy who is just pouring his innocent woes out.

you know the john mayer song? daughters?

This is one message to any chap who might be reading this , by will or accident.

Sons, be good to your fathers .
Sons will love like you do.
Sons become lovers who turn into fathers
So father be good to your sons too.

I want to be a good father.
To teach my son all the good Dad has thought me.

To honour him.
To honour my son's mother to.

Just a thought, and no
It's not a proposal.

Not yet.

2006-11-18T20:24:00.000-08:00

needing to say so much .

I am sitting here, waiting for the 45 mins to pass. I know there's only so much I can do to reach out to you, to help you feel better .

I chose to put my thoughts into words here.
I've always known how important her approval is to you.
And I assure you, I would stay the course.

Yes , I will.
From past experiences, I can safely say that for it to work
I'll need you to hold my hand and walk with me.
As I know that I would, with you.

I do understand that you need all the support.
And I'll change.
I've always been brought up as someone who cannot passively sit there and
wait for things to happen.

No , patience was not my thing.
But for you I will.

I know she saying "No."
puts alot of thoughts in your head.
You're confused. Unsure even.
Take your time .
And when you clear your head.
You'll see me at the end of the road,
Arms open to embrace you.

Still loving every moment .
Still loving every bit
of You.

2006-11-17T22:09:00.000-08:00

say what should have been said/

here as follows are the excerpts from that "missing blog post"

I thank you , Pamela Heo Ji Hye for a wonderful and eventful year. Through you , and the times I've spent with you, I've learnt so much about love and loving someone. I also known through all these times that it wouldn't have been the same with anyone else but you.

i was doing some thinking earlier on today just before i made the order online for your flowers.
Would you hate the flowers. What if you don't get them?
Is it too much to do?

After awhile, I found the answer I was looking for.
It's all okay and good.
Because I know no matter what,
You'll love and appreciate the effort.
So here comes the click.

*fingers crossed that you get them*

2006-11-06T23:29:00.000-08:00

saw this on a friend's friend's blog.

25 Ways to Score with Women

1. Surprise her with flowers.
2. Resist the temptation to solve her problems.
3. When you are going to be late, call her.
4. Don't channel surf when she's watching TV with you.
5. Take short romantic getaways.
6. Wash her car.
7. Get in bed at the same time.
8. Pay more attention to her than others in public.
9. Tell her how much you missed her when you were away.
10. Treat her the way you did when you first met.
11. Never forget her birthday.
12. When you holding hands, don't let your hand go limp.
13. Compliment her new look.
14. When seeing her, give her a hug before doing anything else.
15. Plan a date several days in advance.
16. Offer to help her when she's tired.
17. Practice listening and ask questions.
18. Suggest a new restuarant.
19. Open the door for her.
20. Take her side when she's upset with someone.
21. Whenever you need to "pull away", let her know that you will be back.
22. Ask her how she is feeling.
23. When listening, make eye contact.
24. Bring her presents like a small box of candy or perfume.
25. Give her a kiss and say good-bye when you leave.

some aren't applicable.
but others are so true.

i miss you.
terribly.

2006-11-05T04:37:00.000-08:00

fussing over my princess.

Its that time of the year again. This time last year, I only just started talking to you, completely unaware of the impact you would have on future henceforth.
It's amazing. And therefore I need a gift that reflects my amazement.

And I am stumped.
I've considered so many options.
Underwear. Ring.Jewellery. Imported chocolates. dresses. a lil everything box. So many many things.
And i am still stuck.

Flowers would have been a brilliant idea but you seemed so adamant on otherwise
and i dont want to step on your toes. definitely not worth it.

here were some comments from friends/colleagues

friend a: Get her flowers and chocolates.
(my answer: u wld kill me)
friend b: sexy lingerie.
(your cousins might tell and you would still kill me)
Colleague a: fly over as a surprise.
(boss and my bank account or lack thereof would kill me)

So as you can see. i am stuck.
and thats also because i am so stuck on you.

p.s. this was written last night. i just forgot to post properly again/
p.p.s. i still havent recieved the return package. would check with singpost tampines tml

2006-11-01T01:59:00.000-08:00

So you did realise you've been neglecting me and not talking as much as we would.

you're forgiven. -grins-

but i understand.
and i hope you understand too.
we both have our own commitments and responsibilities to take care of.

did i just hear a proposal?!?!
lols.

yes!! i would love to have a new ring!!!

but could we wait till i have returned back?
that way, we could go shop for the rings together
ensuring that both of us like it that much.
also i would know the budget of the rings and i might..MIGHT.. chip in my portion..PORTION mind you..-grins-

so smart.

i love you too.

2006-10-31T17:12:00.000-08:00

What can I say.

It's been a very interesting few days.
Lots of work to be done.
I can tell of late that you've been rather drained and emotionally charged, no thanks to your work.

I've been a little tied down with the closing up of our project so yes, I have neglected talking and communicating with you. I'll like to thank you for being the patient, sweet girl that you are.
So anyway,
You've been complaining though, about the ring and it decolourising and causing you to itch.
Would you like a new ring?

I think it's peritnent that we talk about such stuff openly.

Anyway, gotta get back to work. I know this is a short post.
But cant blog during office hours.

Love you.
and i know ... i know. you love me too
LOL

2006-10-24T06:16:00.000-07:00

Resolve.

Here,
I'll like make a resolution. One of which I intend to adhere to very rigourously despite
any challenges or obstacles there might be.

I resolve henceforth from now till your return ,
That we would not fight again.
I will not pick a fight or let u get on my nerves.
Why?

Because you're my angel and that's not going to change. No lost mail
No contrasting schedules going to ever change that.

When you see this, you might have seen a couple of images that I took of that lost mail.
I hope you like what you see. and maybe,
Just maybe, you ll get to see how lovely you are to me.

2006-10-19T09:53:00.000-07:00

it just ain't the same.

Well, went by TCC today cause i was working there at boat quay and i realised how much i missed u . had mongolian chicken chop with azuki freeze and all i could think about how nice it would be if you were here.

Missing you like mad. will write more in the morning

2006-10-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

was clearing my mail box today when i came past this email which one of my senior sent to me quite some time ago.

figured that it's very apt.
hope you like it.

when we meet the right person to love
when we're at the right place at the right time
That's chance.

when you meet someone you're attracted to
that's not a choice
That's chance.

being caught up in a moment
(and there's alot of couple who get together because of this)
is not a choice
That's also a chance.

the difference is what happens afterwards
when will you take that infatuation,
that crush,
that mind-blowing attraction
to the next level?

that's when all sanity goes back
and you sit down and contemplate
whether you want to make this into
a concrete relationship
or just a fling.

if you decide to love a person
even with his/her faults
that's not chance
That's a choice.

when you choose to be with a person
no matter what
That's a choice.

even if you know that there are many people out there
who are much more attractive
smarter
and richer than your mate
and yet you decide to love your mate just the same
That's choice.

infatuation,
crushes,
attraction
comes to us by chance.

but the love that lasts is truly a choice
a choice that we make.

regarding soul mates;
there's a beautiful movie quote that i believe is so true about this:

"Fate brings you together
but it's still up to you to make it happen."

i do believe that soul mates do exist
that there is truly someone made for you

but it's still up to you to make the choice
if you're going to do something about it or not

we may meet our soul mates by chance
but loving and staying with our soul mate is still a choice we have to make

we came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love
but to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly.

c.k.richard.

2006-10-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

absence make the heart grow fonder or does distance cause one to go out of sight,
out of mind. I really have no clue.

I know i miss you. and deep down inside, i do fear the worst.
Scars are showing. and in a way, i dont want another one. not again.
I want to make u happy and i want to continue to be the one who s there for you whenever you needed him.
But you must understand how difficult it is to not be able to communicate with your loved one.
When you are standing at the gate of the person you loved and knocking on the door,
but all you get its your knock's echo.

I feel helpless.

and that is why , at this very moment, i am choosing to take charge. to tell you,

No I am not going to let you go. No not after you have stolen my heart
No I am not going to let you slip out of my hands, not even a thought of it , not a lament.
You , Pamela Heo , are going to be a lady I would please, love and shower with my love and affection.
And you, through me, shalt be made happy indeed.

Period

2006-10-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

food for thought

i read this somewhere. thought it was rather interesting.

a pair of lovers , who were destined to marry other people had met under unique circumstances. They never knew how to be friends. They were lovers right from the start. Against all odds, they got married. The lad was the son of the empire's greatest general and was thus often seen as heir apparent of his father's stronghold and 10000 strong army. And alas, as fate would have it, his father passed away days after the wedding and soon, our male lead was led away to a faraway land to fight his father's war and seek vengeance.

Our lady, she was ever the loyal , faithful wife. As he walked away, he turned back to say, " I'll write, wait for me."
And she did. Every day she would open her mailbox only to see an emptiness best described as void.
That same void filled her heart every time this happened.

days , months , and finally a year passed. No letter.
She felt weak .

and in an instance . a day and a year since her husband left.
She fell.

And in heaven, they met.

Telepathy is a powerful thing. You know when the one you love is sad, down or in danger.
He had died a year from the day he left. she waited just so , he did not have to suffer the pain she went through.

Moral of the story , keep looking in the mail.
Keep hoping.
for without hope and faith.
you'll never really lived.

No matter how hard work it is, keep going at it, because somewhere out there , someone here is waiting and silently supporting your every efforts.

2006-10-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

personal self time

i just didn't want you to feel as if i needed to talk to you every time.
it's because i understand that we both have things to do.
you working. me bumming.
me getting to work. you working.
you out field. me working.
me getting home. you at home.
i don't want to be seemed as if i needed tending to.

just a phone call is enough to suffice me.
for the day.
but you should know that don't you?

my hand out to you?
it was always beside you.
holding yours close to me.

by the way
was that a proposal?
pretty nice one though..

2006-10-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

aint missing you

if thats what it seems. then you're wrong. you seem so cold today.
i felt so strange. its almost like you are tired of making the effort to
communicate. don't give up on me baby.

i know it might seem like i don't appreciate all your efforts but i do.
i really do.
pls reach out your hand to me,
and i ll hold it for eternity

2006-10-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

oddly enough, i don't feel lonesome.
maybe it's because i have my cousins' companion.

it's only because you're working that's why we don't have enough time to spend on the phone.
and furthermore, phone's expensive.
and i didn't have my laptop with me the past 5 nights.
you don't have to change the line for me.
it's only another 3 odd months.

i think it's great that you're enjoying your job.
i am so happy for you because you're finally doing a job that you've always wanted.
i might not show it either through words or speech.
but i really am happy for you.

funnily enough, i've been missing you much these days.
how i wish you're here too.

but it's only another 3 odd months before it'll be all over.
and i believe that it'll pass pretty fast.
with you having a job and me getting busy in the hotel.

i love you too.

i miss your presence.
i miss your scent.
i miss your love.
i miss my boy.

2006-10-07T10:07:00.000-07:00

failing you/failing us

I got this nagging feeling. this feeling that you are feeling lonesome.
this feeling that i m not giving u enough attention. in a few days, we ll be a quarter way through to your return.
tell me whats' your thoughts so far.
I love my job...
but i love you more.

tell me what you think.

I've been thinking of you loads these past few days that its starting to really ache.
I miss you and i do want to see you soon. I wish i cld snap my fingers and i would be there with you, for you.
Working at scarlet today, i kept seeing your face, smelling your scent only to turn and see some ang moh...
hear your voice but only to see some office lady.

i miss that smile,
i miss that energy,
i miss my girl

2006-09-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

you make me smile every single time i think of you.
that's how I know I love you.
you know there's is this song called "Xi Huan"
And i think it's so apt for how I feel towards you.
I love you so much that I wish , sometimes anyway,
that I could spend all my 24 hours with you .
Doing things you love

my ideal time with you, was the very first day we met.
I met an angel.
One that stole my heart the second I laid eyes on her.
That smile. That warmth . That beautiful soul.
You make every wrong I've witnessed worth it.

I sometimes feel that somewhere, somehow.
Every wrong person I've met in my life... could possibly
must probably
have been just another lil stepping stone towards us.

That night. it was magical wasn't it.
You going out with a strange boy.
Out on the town, one of the rare times , at 1 am.

That brown tshirt.
Your tousled hair. That nice yet naughty fun loving girly glint in your eyes.
I'll never forget. Not
Not for a single sec or breath that I'll take.

That walk up to your gate. Short and awkward. but great.

just one more thing to let you

You remember that I told you that cab driver on the first night who said we
had a very coupley look.

I never told you my reply.
I told " Uncle,
one day, I'll make her mine. And I will love her. "

What do you know, maybe I am a prophet.

2006-09-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

we love each other.

this i know.
this i feel.
this i see.
this i hear.

hear love? you're saying.
didn't you know it's possible? i say.
it's the time of silence that passes between 2 people.
only they can hear. no one else can.

i love your voice.
didn't you know that?
i'm surprised that i didn't mention it to you either.
it's very nice to listen to.
that explains why sometimes i just want to hear you talk doesn't it?

know how i know that i mean alot to you?
and that you mean alot to me too?
it's the time when you say things to me
and my stomach has a gazillion and one butterflies in them doing somersaults and cartwheels.
it's happened more than once.
the feeling comes rarely.
but i capture the moment when i feel it.
it doesn't scare me.
it just makes me appreciate and love you more.

when we make this work out even over thousand of miles
i don't see how we can't work out any other time.
we understand each other.
we trust each other.
we have faith in each other.

i think that's absolutely beautiful isn't it?

so i changed the song.
don't mind do you?

2006-09-28T23:55:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking

You and I
Sunrise and sunset

Pam, whatever happens between us... you will always be special to me.
So it's coming to a year that we have been together. Okay,
fine its not even 11 months here but I am sure we'll reach and surpass the 1 year mark.

it's the love we share. and the truth i know when i look in your eyes that assure me you are the one for me. once again . thank you.

off i go shopping
bye

2006-09-27T08:39:00.000-07:00

First Blog in ages.
I've been doing alot of thinking lately. Mostly about you.
About how our lives will change in the next year, now that I'm starting work. Now that you are finishing up with school and all.
I wonder, how we'll be like when you're home.
I haven't spoke to your mum lately. I feel that I should but somehow when you're around I get
this feeling that there is this lack of connection. Like you
were the connecting factor between your world and mine.

I'm really glad to see you are finally beginning to settle down well in Korea. You seem to be less peeved about work and all. I can finally set my heart down to concentrate on doing my work good, knowing that you are settling in.

Having said that, I do realise our relationship has been a tad shaky lately, what with my bad temper and outbursts and all. I assure you I will do to my utmost ability to make it up to you.

Lovingly yours,
ken

2006-09-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

wana know the details of my flight?

11 Sep 06 SINGAPORE AIRLINES SQ886
Terminal 2 Departs 0800 Arrives 1525

26 Jan 07 SINGAPORE AIRLINES SQ 603
Departs 0900 Arrives 1435 Terminal 2

2006-09-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

So much things ... so little time

so here it is. a week and a day before you leave. My last 4 book-ins.
The beginning of the end of my NS obligations
The beginning of your trip to Korea
The beginning of the rest of my life.
Dad spoke to me yesterday when i wasnt with you yet about
how i shld start looking forward to the important things in life...
money and career.
Mom , over dinner, mentioned to me after you left abt the other important things in life
How to keep you.
Heart , Mind and Soul.
and no she did not suggest voodoo.
She did however state that she cld not see what you see in me ( gee thanks mum...)
And frankly i dont either. So i better start fixing that.

Tell me over the phone , what you would like to do before you ll leave and i ll try my best to make it happen .

With all my love.

2006-08-12T09:14:00.000-07:00

9

Happy 9 months together baby. Here it is at 12. We ve been together for nine magical and eventful months.
so much has happened and so much is going to.
I would like to tell you how much I admire and adore you for your sweet nature, your friendly lovable personality and that loving heart of yours that has brighten my worst days and made my better ones great.
I love you Pamela Heo Ji Hye and I'm not going to deny it.

These few days you've been mulling over how going away is going to be so difficult. I do admit it is going to be a test of sorts...
I believe if it doesn't kill us, it'll only make us stronger.
so I'll leave you with a nice song and a lil hint of what we'll do today...

-cues bad National day song -
" Reach out for the sky.... "
-laughs out really loud-

ok. heres the real song for you.

Life is full of lots of up and downs,
And the distance feels further
when you're headed for the ground,
And there is nothing more painful
than to let you're feelings take you down

It's so hard to know the way you feel inside
When there's many thoughts and feelings that you hide,
But you might feel better
if you let me walk with you by your side,
And when you need a shoulder to cry on,
When you need a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
You won't be alone, cause I'll be there.

I'll be your shoulder to cry on,
I'll be there,
I'll be a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,you won't be alone,
cause I'll be there.

All of the times when everything is wrong
And you're feeling like
There's no use going on
You can't give it up
I hope you work it out and carry on

Side by side,
With you till the end
I'll alway be the one to firmly hold your hand
no matter what is said or done
our love will always continue on

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on
everyone needs a friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone
you won't be alone cause

I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be the one you rely on
when the whole world's gone
you won't be alone
cause I'll be there!

And when the whole world is gone
You'll always have my shoulder to cry on....

love it changes everything...

2006-08-07T04:59:00.000-07:00

you complained about me not blogging. so i shall try to blog at a more regular rate.

thanks for the wonderful past 9 months.almost 9 anyways.

the recent few months have been torturous..a horrible time to go through.my OSIP placement, regular disagreements, my mood swings.. all so blah...but you've seen me through it all. and still here for me..

the coming 5 months in korea will be a horrible time. w/o you for 5 months...unimaginable.

i guess i've reached the stage where emotional ties with you, in this case, is really strong and i dread to see the day where i finally leave S'pore..at least for 5 months..

actually, i can only feel the feeling that is within myself..writing it down doesn't seem to do it justice enough. and i still do not know how to express it properly. you know me, not good with words. never could express myself fully and understandably.

i guess the best i can do right now is :

"I Love You"

does it says it all? because i can't think of anything better than that.

there's things i wanna do with you.
there's still places you've yet to bring me.
there's words i still wanna say.
there's dreams i wanna share.
there's love i wanna share with you.

love..
the love that is inside me.
the love that is growing as each day passes.
the love that we both share.
the love that was found when i found you.
the love that i'm so happy to have
and afraid to lose.
the love..

that is you..

2006-06-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

Pensive-ness

I logged in only to realise how long I haven't written for my princess. Well, I'm in a very pensive mood so here goes.

Firstly, I'll like to address some frivolous issues.
A) Yes i love you in that top and yes i have reserved it with topshop
B) I do enjoy our shenigans(bad spelling)
C) yes to reassure you again i do love you.-smiles in glee-

Yesterday was splendid. Despite having to put up with some nonsense from you-know-who in the afternoon, a otherwise dull and boring afternoon is made so much more enjoyable and tolerable with your presence. Spending time together always makes me feel our relationship is stronger than i give it credit for. It's incredible how much you let me get away with sometimes and yet at other times, you pull the rein in and show what you're made of.

on Korea:
if put simply, that you should ever doubt my faith in you and in us, I will be here for you. Through all the stuff you might have to go through. i have been here for you, i had been here for you and i will be. i'll miss your smile, your reassurance, your kisses, your inane whines and fancies and your pouty requests for me to send you home. Be in the know. I will be a better man because of you.

on my History:
i know i havent told you this but i do still hold J close to my heart, not as a love but a lost friend. And i m hurting everytime ( very rarely tho) i think of the friend i lost in her.
I hate to think how things would be when Eugene is gone to and when you're gone because of the times and memories i have with either of you.
i m worried too. insecure even. i just try to hide it.

on Lolita:
i like the concept of it but like i said, its so hedonistic so carnal . yet it feels nothing like that.
pam, as you would be the one leaving this time, i seem to be more worried than i was before when i had to be the one to leave the country .

on August:
I always had a love-hate relationship with this month of the year cause its my birthday/dad's/ loads of stuff.
and i m glad you'll still be around

lastly
on Us.
I think i have seriously fallen. i care too much for you with my heart that should you not be careful, i might once again be a crestfallen victim of Fate and Love.

write well, i do not. fingers crossed about us i most certainly am.

2006-06-04T06:29:00.000-07:00

just wana let you know how much you've done for me these couple of weeks.

thanks so much baby!

i appreciate it sweets! i really do.

2006-05-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

Thinking,Thought,Thoughts

I've been thinking aplenty of lots of what-ifs. What if you went. What if you didn't
What if we as a couple grew and what if we don't.
Tonight, after what I heard about your parents' reactions to you, there's somethings I'll like to say to you.

You are stronger than you realise.
You are better than you can imagine.
You have more faith in people,
Than people have in themselves.
You made a huge difference in my life.
And starting this very moment,
I've made a conscious decision
To do the same for you
Stay or go,
I want to help you become that better person.
The same way you have helped me.
Love and faith can be blind
But they can also be powerful and life-changing

Trust in me. Trust in yourself.
Trust your parents. Build the love and faith in them.
And they too will do so for you.

Pam, you are a wonderful girl . Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

2006-05-07T08:08:00.000-07:00

you silly boy.
our love has NOT gone down anything except the road of life.
allow me to reassure you again of how much i love you.

everytime i see you.
my face lights up,
a smile creeps up to my lips.

everytime i embrace you.
my heart never fails to flutter,
my troubles always seem so far away.

everytime i think of you.
i'm reminded of the lovely times we've spent thus far,
i tell myself i still can't believe i'm so in love with you.

everytime you touch me.
i feel tingles all over me,
sparks seem almost to fly out of me.

reassured yet?

not enough?

you know where to get me.

2006-05-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

Just thought whoever sees this sight might like to know what song is that

Corrinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.
Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seems to change, the more they stay the same.
Oh, don't you hesitate.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that afro hairdo.
Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer.
Do what you want to.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Oh, You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

2006-05-07T06:09:00.000-07:00

Karma

I guess what goes around comes around.
I use to be the one who gets nagged .
To write just so she'll see how much she means to me.
I'll be told to remind her,
told in non-verbal ways,
the princess that she is.
Now, things turned routine and life gone plain.
But has our love gone down the same ?

2006-05-01T05:43:00.000-07:00

So the weekend comes to an end again .
Something to leave you with .

Don't go far off, not even for a day,
because --
I don't know how to say it:
a day is long and I will be waiting for you,
as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.
Don't leave me, even for an hour,
because then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift into me,
choking my lost heart.
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,
because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you be back?

2006-05-01T03:07:00.000-07:00

Bonsoir~!

Great evening spent ytd at Breeze. I have to say that Breeze does comes into my list of fav places for a date.

Ambience, View, Weather and of course, Company made it all good for me.
Though i think the Long Island Iced Tea is kinda strong. lols.

But still, Breeze definately tops my lists.
So add that into the list of 20 places would you?

And yes, it'll be great to go back there one day.

P.S. i would love to meet your granny too! or rather, your whole family.
vice-versa, i would love for you to meet mine too! you would so hit it off with them kids.
and the thought of just being at home, having tea and scones, lil bit of movie/tv sounds real good to me. i don't know about you, but i would love to try it one day.

2006-04-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

Life’s @ Breeze

It was a beautiful evening I must say. I think we ought to start taking more pictures to capture the moments we share in our lives eh. Nevertheless a beautiful evening. Some nice lighting. Great view . And of course nice company. Eugene apparently enjoyed himself. So what can I say. You are damn good PRPR…I think we could definitely consider going back there again, agreed ?Well tell me what you thought of the evening .

2006-04-27T04:47:00.000-07:00

The Long Awaited Entry

I promise to give you a good, lengthy; long winded rant about everything last Sunday and apparently I did not. No surprise that I'm a forgetful bloke eh ?
Well, as you know this whole week, or rather the past 2 weeks, I've been damn free. And what do people do when they are damn free and they don't have anything to do... ,i.e. no PSP, no iPod ,and only some comics to entertain them... that's right, they start getting really pensive and start having really perpetual thoughts.
So what do I have to say to you? To give it some general structure, I'll give you some of my heartfelt thoughts and then I'll tell you how my week has been.
Pam, I don't know what you think of me as your bloke, but I can safely say you have been great. It's been a smashing five odd months with you. Everytime I see you, it just makes me smile. Though I may not express it all that well, but really you have changed my life. I haven't always been the most positive person, neither have I been a very bearable person to live with,especially so in the months leading up to me meeting you. Friends were getting increasing annoyed with my neurotic behavior and eccentric moods.
But Nov 12 , that evening. Something told me. Someone moved me.
You.

I wasn't always a good boy as you know. And even in our early months, I must admit, I did ponder once or twice how it'll be like to be with someone else (not Elizabeth, so don't get all jealous) but as we grew closer both in physical and emotional intimacy , as we share our happinesss , our indiscretions even our deepest darkest secrets and worries... I felt bad. I felt that I was not doing you justice. Thus I've changed.
You , and only you, have made me into this mushy ; homely lad who wishes nothing more than to share a nice afternoon , earl greys and scones in tow, with my loved ones. I want you to meet my granny so bad, cause I'm sure she'll love you as much as i do.

I'm tired now. and you're bored to bits sitting on the bed. I'll give you updates on the week another day.

p.s. i had a strange dream which involved loads of zombies. Stay tuned.

" I loved and lost my fair share in life.
But in you, I have only love and found
More of that love, everytime you smile."

Kenneth Goh 1984- God knows when
getting poetic at 2000HRS 27th April 2006

2006-04-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

I am lying in bed missing you.

thinking of what to write be patient ...

- bursts out in tears-

2006-04-18T03:10:00.000-07:00

it's the 1st post.

i'm still honoured to write 1st.
can't get to sleep even though i'm back from camp. i SHOULD be sleeping already though.it's 3.09 am.i know you are in bed.

it's probably because i'm thinking about you.about me.about us thus i can't sleep.
nothing big or serious.

just picturing certain stuffs.

about the future.
and definately about us.

i know 6 years is long.it really is when you come to think about it.

its like doing 2 diplomas.

its like 1/3 of my life.

its like 2 thousand 1 hundred 9inety 1 and a half day.

its like 5ifty 2 thousand 5 hundred 9inety 6ix hours.

its like 3hree million 1 hundred 5ifty-5ive thousand 7even hundred 6ixty minutes.

-you get the picture i guess-

even so.the time i set aside is just for my own personal goal/achievement.
it could be interfered.

don't be freaked out though.i guess it's only part and parcel of being together with someone that's why i'm having these thoughts.and you should be glad that i do have these thoughts.it would only be wierd and worry-some if i didn't.

anyhows.i love you.